I’m not really sure what to say but I do know that I want to write to you today.

One of the writing groups I am part of believes that you should write without stopping, or editing, or even thinking, every day. Even when the words don’t come, even if you think you don’t have anything to say, you write. Write: the words aren’t coming or I don’t have anything to say, but write it. By writing it, you have begun. You have shown you have something to say.

We call this writing practice. Most days, I have too many words, but some days I don’t have any. So, like pushups, I am practicing, and I am getting stronger.

The other day Zoe, my puppy, stood at the bottom of the stairs. She looked perplexed. My mother-in-law was sitting on the couch. I was heading to the garage. My husband was in the bedroom. She looked back and forth between us and whined.  She wanted to be with all of us, but she had to choose.

I know how she feels. The people I love are spread out too. There is no one place I can go and be with them all. The closer I get to one, the further I am from another.

Most of the time I feel lucky.  Even if I can’t be with all of them at the same time, I have people in my life who I love loving. And who love me. I know that. But sometimes too many people feel too far away, and I begin to feel lonely. And for some reason, feeling lonely makes me feel ashamed.

I think: All I need to do is call, or text, or write.  It sounds so easy, but it feels hard.  So today I am practicing. I still don’t know what to say, but that’s okay.  Maybe for today hi is enough.

8 thoughts on “Hi

  1. Beth, How does this manage to be so simple and so complex? Familiar and new? I love to read your writing. Keep writing, friend. Hi, back.

  2. It’s been a long time since I commented since I am always “busy.” Recently, I realized that busy is –in part– a state of mind, sometime one I force myself into to keep that loneliness of knowing people everywhere while I feel I am nowhere at bay. Your post reminds me of that, just as my days were starting to feel “busy” again, full of things to do while the days are getting shorter and I am not sure where the year went. Technology keeps us everywhere at once, connected by signals and still a few wires here and there, yet the longing for the quiet cup of tea shared while the long fall light changes the daily changing colors of the trees. Your posts always remind me of so many little things in life that need paying attention to, the things that happen just on the edges of perception that we almost miss but which make life so much richer, like savoring a blend of spices in a single mouthful, or holding a warm, friendly hand and sharing a smile or a sigh.

  3. Thanks Beth. I know all those rules that I try to follow… Wait, whom am I kidding? Let’s start again. Puppy eyes staring at you. Yep! Wanting his people all together. Yip! Feeling lonely when you are close to one dear one and far from another. I get it. Stacy

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